Devastation
by steepedinshadows419
Summary: 6x01 - Barry and Iris grieve the loss of Nora's message. Barry/Iris. One-shot.


**A/N:** Several missing scenes coming your way. This one takes place immediately after Nora's message is corrupted in 6x01.

*****Many thanks to **sendtherain** for beta'ing.

*****I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

* * *

The truth of what had just happened paralyzed her. She couldn't do anything but let the words tumble past her lips.

"Barry…Nora's message."

The static from the burn ceased, and there was nothing but silence. Barry didn't know what to say. All he could do was pull Iris closer and hope that somehow that would make it better. But it wasn't Nora's message, and his own heart was screaming for it to come undone.

"How do we get it back?" Iris asked, her voice weak and her bottom lip trembling.

He didn't answer at first. Then –

"I don't think we…can, Iris."

He sounded guilty; so, so guilty. But the only thing he could think of was time travel, and hadn't they just learned what the consequences of that could be? Again?

"Bring it back, Barry," she ordered, all logic and rationality going straight out the window. "Bring it back, Barry! Bring it back!"

She turned away from him when he was too shocked to say or do anything. She sank down against the wall till she was sitting on the floor, her hands in fists covering her eyes. Barry came to her, his heart breaking with each passing moment.

"Iris…Iris, I…_can't_."

"That's all we had left of her, Barry! That's it!"

He searched her eyes, looking for a way to heal this explosion of sadness that he somehow was keeping at bay within himself. Her next words though he could have never predicted.

"Go," she said, her voice hitching.

"_Iris_," his voice broke.

"Just go," she cried harder.

She didn't say anything more, just waited for him to leave her.

Finally, not knowing what else to do, he stood up and walked slowly to the door, hoping till the very last moment for her to take back her words, but she never did.

"I want to be alone," she said, calm for a moment as he stopped near the entrance.

Maybe she did want to be alone, maybe she didn't. Just in case she didn't, Barry sat on the floor nearby in the hallway. He wasn't going to leave her like he did last time. She needed him as much as he needed her, and always had. He needed to be here when she was ready to grieve with him, because he was barely holding himself together right now.

_"And I always will…and I always will…and I always will…"_

The words echoed over and over, not just in his mind but in Iris' inside the time vault as well.

Assuming Barry had really gone, Iris let the tears fall. She cried long and hard, letting the pent-up anger and hurt and frustration and love roll out of her in waves. She wanted something to hold to, to cling to, to pound, to bite, to claw, to collapse onto. It wasn't fair. None of this was. The one treasure she and Barry had, just them, had ceased to exist before it could even be shared, before it could be watched a second time or a third.

From the moment Iris saw that video, she had mentally planned to come back and watch it or save it to watch at home or at work. Whenever she was missing her daughter, she would watch it and feel better. Just hearing her voice would soothe her. But now she didn't even have that. She had a journal of speed language and memories that might one day fade.

That made her cry more. Made her cry until her throat hurt from crying so hard.

"God, I wish I could stop _crying_," she berated herself.

She wanted to be alone so Barry wouldn't see her cry, but now she hated that she couldn't stop. It felt wrong to let it out in this empty, dark building where all that was clear to her was the light of the monitor where her daughter's face had been and the fact that she'd pushed away the man she loved more than life itself when they needed each other the most.

Who knew how much time had passed, but finally in a raspy voice, she called out.

"Barry?"

Seconds later, he popped his head in, and Iris could see that he'd been crying too. Just maybe not as loud. Or maybe there was a sound barrier between the room and the hall. Maybe…

"Oh, Barry."

She sniffled, and he came to her, immediately cuddling her close to him as he came to sit beside her.

"It's okay, Iris," he said, pressing his face against hers so she could feel his tears too. "It's okay."

"It's not okay, Barry. It's never going to be okay. That was all we…" She lost her breath again and sank into him when it returned. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "Don't go anywhere. Don't leave me again. Okay? No matter what I say, no matter how ugly I look when I cry, just promise you won't…"

"You're beautiful when you cry, Iris."

That made her cry again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she sobbed, and he petted her hair, smoothing it away from her face and pulling her onto his lap.

"You don't need to be sorry, Iris." He kissed the side of her face. "There's no…" He swallowed hard. "Right way to grieve. If sometimes you want me to go-"

"Don't."

"I won't now, Iris. But sometime, you might want me to-"

"Don't go." She clutched him tighter. "You're my everything. Don't ever leave me."

He pulled back enough to see the tears still streaming down her face. He kissed each one and then wiped them away with his thumb.

"I won't leave you, Iris." He nuzzled her close. "I won't leave you."


End file.
